The Marriage and Bipolar Disorder Authority

Today is May 8^th and I want to take a moment to wish a very Happy Mother’s Day to any moms reading this blog. This Mother’s Day wish not only goes out to mothers, but to any woman who has played a nurturing role in a child’s life.  I am not only a mom, but I am also a step mom and I know that mother’s day can present a unique challenge for women who become moms in the not so traditional way that is becoming more and more traditional every year. Take some time to do something for yourself today! 

I am really excited about this blog I’m sharing with you today. I started this list shortly after I thought of the idea of starting this blog August 2010.  This is one of my longer posts – so be prepared. I hope to sometime soon expand on this list and create an e-book, but this is the blog post version. Today I am giving the list in what I think is the most logical order. Do not attempt to do all of these things at once. Some of these will be very challenging and will feel very awkward and out of place. Though, as you do these things more and more it will become second nature. 

1) Pray for your spouse If I had to recommend that you start with one of these tips it would definitely be this one. Once you are able to pray for your spouse you will start seeing them in a different light and these other tips will follow more naturally.

 I’ve heard it said to “NEVER underestimate the power of a praying spouse…” I can attest that this is very true. Something amazing happens when you pray, and in turn something spectacular happens in your marriage when you pray for your spouse. I am not a theologian and do not consider myself an expert when it comes to matters of the Holy Spirit, though when I prayed for my spouse it forced me to take all of my attention off of myself and take this matter of our marriage to God. Praying for your spouse is the most selfless thing you can do for your marriage.

It is an action that I firmly believe single handedly kept the last few threads of our marriage hanging on and started weaving a stronger foundation. The prayer time doesn’t need to be formal and “perfect” – just take the little pockets of time, when you can find them, to pray for your spouse. This is one of those acts that WILL be very difficult at first. Things will become more difficult before they get better – remain persistent. I am not going to say that just because you pray for your marriage that it will FIX everything overnight. There may be aspects of your marriage that will be a struggle for the rest of your lives. Just remember that there is HOPE for your marriage and that HOPE starts with prayer.   

2) Take care of yourself Surprise! You knew this was going to be part of the list, didn’t you? My mind is most clear and our marriage seems to have some of its best days when I take the time to exercise. This has been one aspect of my personal care that I try to make a priority – this is time that is for me only. Remember to also take care of your physical and mental health. Do not put off your own health, this will only create unnecessary strain in your home. I have found that when I am ignoring my own health that my body knows it almost instantaneously and I usually will get sick. It really feels like a wakeup call to remind myself that this is one part of my life I cannot ignore with the stress of everything else going on. Also take time for your own mental health. During the beginning especially I took the time to see a therapist weekly for about 4-5 months. My therapist really helped me understand some of the aspects of my husband’s illness and gave some suggestions on setting healthy boundaries.  

3) Be spontaneous When my husband is in a manic phase he will profess to be spontaneous, well as spontaneous as someone who is suffering from agoraphobia can be. I am a very type-A personality. Everything should have its place and everything should be in order. So, I’m sure you can imagine the chaos that converges on our home when he is manic. When this would happen I would want to go into my own little form of a panic attack and try to stifle the chaos. This was usually met with much disdain and instability with my husband. I have learned though, if I can go with the flow *a little* bit more than I was before the outcome is much more desirable.

4) Learn as much as you can I know that I have mentioned this in previous posts, though I cannot say enough about the power behind learning about your spouse’s mental illness. It will help you not only understand the illness, but also open your eyes to behavior you may have seen your entire relationship but just thought that was part of their personality. The more you learn about the illness the more your heart will begin to accept the new normal that will become your life and marriage. This knowledge starts as head knowledge, though will quickly become heart knowledge.  

5) Be authentic with your spouse This tip and tip #6 really go hand in hand. For the longest time I felt that I really had to walk on eggshells around my husband due to the severe mood swings associated with Bipolar Disorder. As I’m sure you have experienced, these mood swings can rear its ugly head without any sort of warning. There was one time in particular (prior to the diagnosis) where we were having a seemingly normal conversation and the next thing we knew he was being cruel with his words for no reason at all. As a result I learned to really keep “difficult conversations” to a minimum, or at least condense them into a day that I knew he was able to receive those difficult conversations.

I encourage you to be authentic with your spouse in all of your conversations. Don’t wait for that “perfect” moment to have the conversation. You cannot protect your spouse from the world when they are living with Bipolar Disorder, or other mental illness. They are still adults and they still need to take part in these kinds of adult conversations.

6) Have REAL conversations We live in a society where superficial conversations are a way of life. Everyday we walk around saying “Hi, how are you?” Unfortunately, many times these superficial conversations can even find their way into marriages. We get comfortable in our schedules, ruts, etc and sometimes we go days or even weeks with everything going on without really digging in and finding out what is going on. How many times do we really want to sit down to find out “How are you REALLY?” I would encourage you to take the initiative to have these conversations with your spouse on a daily basis. This is one of those actions that will really play a huge part in revolutionizing your marriage.

7) Celebrate! Who doesn’t like a good party, right? You are on the journey of a lifetime with your spouse. There will be days where it feels like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. Remember when you see those flickers of light to take time to recognize it as the milestone that it is and CELEBRATE! You can choose different ways to celebrate – it doesn’t need to be something elaborate just remember to take the time to acknowledge it. Remember your spouse may be struggling with being validated with everything they are going through. This is one way to acknowledge that you are on this journey together!

What have you done in your journey with your spouse to revolutionize your marriage?

Blogging Challenge!

I hope that you are enjoying these daily posts for the month of May in honor of Mental Health Awareness Month! I am doing my part to help end the stigma associated with mental health, in particular Bipolar Disorder, by getting information out there in order to increase awareness for those who want to learn more about mental illnesses, also to provide encouragement for those already living with the illness.  

I will also be participating in the 2011 Mental Health Blog Day that will be on May 18th. I am already working on an awesome post for release on May 18^th to bring light to the stigma around mental health. 

Contact us!

If this is your first visit to our website – welcome! It is my desire that you are able to find hope and encouragement from this blog especially if your spouse suffers from mental illness. We try to take it day by day, though this journey is especially challenging. You should not have to go on this journey alone!

Please comment on this blog – we would truly appreciate your feedback! Are you finding this helpful and encouraging? Is there a particular topic you are needing resources or advice on? Let me know how I can improve the blog and make it more resourceful for you!

You can also follow me on twitter. I love to engage with others dealing with mental illness there and would be honored if you followed me. I try to share resources and articles on twitter as much as possible. Please also feel free to send an e-mail to feedback@thebipolarmarriage.com with any feedback that you don’t feel comfortable leaving it in the comments section on the blog.