Keeping Score
I grew up with a father who was very competitive and loved sports, in particular basketball and football. Amazingly enough, I also married a man who loves sports. Very few people not in the business of sports analytics or commentating know as many detailed stats on basketball and football games as my husband. There are many times while watching games together that my husband will correct the announcers as they are calling a game and merely seconds after he does that the announcers themselves correct their error. For this reason, many times I will joke with him that our family room is wired. It is an ongoing joke at our house. Well, it is the end of August and now we are gearing up for another football season. This is a favorite time of the year. This football season will mean good games, getting together with family and friends, and some favorable scores (hopefully!).
A good contest is a great place for scores to be kept. This is how we are able to know at the end of the game who walks away the winner and who is the loser. A marriage is not the place for score to be kept, though unfortunately many times this is the approach that is brought into the marriage relationship. We are born naturally selfish beings for good reason – survival. All human beings are consumed with in the first months of life is eating. This ensures survival. As our children mature through life we try to encourage sharing and taking turns. This is a work in progress that works all through our lives. Unfortunately, for some this selfishness will follow us into marriage.
A spirit of service is essential in the marriage relationship. Many times, due to our selfish nature, we will mask ulterior motives with a spirit of service. This is where keeping score usually comes into place in a marriage. We make compromises that are usually in the form of bribery. Why is this? It goes back to our roots of selfishness. A spirit of service is not something that comes naturally. HUH?!? Yes, I believe that a spirit of service is something that is learned and for some is a calling upon their lives. A spirit of service comes more easily than for others, but for all it is a learned behavior.
For those in a challenging marriage relationship the spirit of service is the farthest thing from our minds. I have been there, though I know from personal experience that a spirit of unconditional service will be the one thing that could change the direction of your marriage. If you are able find to unconditionally serve your spouse during a difficult time you can serve anyone in any circumstance. There are a lot of painful marriages out there. A lot of hurt feelings and unmet expectations. Serving your spouse is one of those selfless acts that will give reveals its return on investment immediately, but when serving your spouse the investment returns itself over and over again. It is not always easy, and most days it will most likely be the furthest thing from your mind. There were days when we were neck deep in the sludge of an unhealthy marriage that I resented doing anything that resembled service to my husband. Especially on those days when mental illness is rearing its ugly head and he was difficult to live with, let alone serve. Later, I found that these were the days that he needed unconditional love more than ever.Though as I made it a practice every day it became less and less painful. Work on taking a step each day to serving you spouse and before you know what happened the habit of serving your spouse comes with less and less need for effort.
Especially on those days when mental illness is rearing its ugly head and your spouse is difficult to live with, let alone serve. These are the days that your spouse needs your unconditional love more than ever.
What is one way that you can serve your spouse today?
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