Our Story
Two years ago my husband and I were very busy with life. We had 3 kids between the ages of 20 months and 8 years old. We were doing our best with keeping up with
everything, though not always successful. On February 22, 2009 my husband had a psychotic break. This event would forever redefine what our family’s “normal” would look like.
It would take thousands of dollars in medical tests, receiving poor psychiatric care to know that we needed a second opinion, and lots of emotional distress before we would finally get his mental health diagnosis. The day he was diagnosed was a rough emotional day, and as his wife I wanted to learn everything I could regarding these illnesses.
I started researching online and could not find an website or a blog that gave examples of couples that were battling bipolar disorder, or other mental illness, and making their marriage or relationship work. So, I dug a little deeper and found that 90% of marriages involving a spouse suffering from bipolar disorder or manic depression end in divorce. Based on my own experience with the illness I can’t say that I was surprised. What I was surprised about was the fact that there are so few resources out there to help couples and families cope with this illness.
Recently I heard someone say “God takes your worst and redeems it to bring out your best. He will take your worst nightmare and he will redeem it, restore it, and HE will not only use it for his glory but to help others.” So, I have started this blog in the hopes that I can help others in the same boat as we were not so long ago and let them know that with A LOT of hard work not only can you survive your marriage when your spouse is battling mental illness, but your marriage can thrive.
Thanks for sharing your story. It takes much courage to open your book for the world to see. You and Jeff will be in my prayers. Keep sharing and healing. Love to the both of you.
We appreciate the prayers
Thank you for reading and the encouragement!
I loved your quote about God taking your worst and making it make you do your best. I often try to tell people that being bipolar can be seen as a gift in some ways because it forces you to work harder for what you have and you end up appreciating it more because of it. I know it can be bad, but there is always the silver lining in every situation. Well, I think so. I believe God has his reasons, so it is better to go with the flow rather than give up.
Thanks for the inspiration.
PS Thanks for the comment earlier. It led me to you!
Nicole from My Dualities
http://mydualities.wordpress.com
Thank you so much for your encouragement. I know when I heard that quote the first time it was shortly after I revived this blog, and I knew that was the reason that I was writing – to show others that there is peace (somewhat!) after the storm. I’m glad that http://www.thebipolarmarriage.com was able to give you inspiration today!
Thank you for the site – like you say there is very little information out there and your articles and information are much appreciared. Where did you get the 90% staistic from? It sounds incredibly high and depressing in itself…
It is a staggering statistic. I found this from an article done by “Psychology Today” in October 2003. The scary part is that statistic is only the marriages that end in divorce, this does not cover the marriages that are ended due to suicide. It just shows me and everyone else that there is a great need for education and support for these couples and families who have a loved one struggling with the illness. I hope you are finding this blog helpful. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help.
Sara
sara@thebipolarmarriage.com
Just found your blog, great resource. Something set off a very bad bi-polar episode for me several years ago, it was a very trying time (medicine did wonders and it’s mostly stable now) for my family, esp. my wife. And there’s not much out there for getting through this as a couple together. Praise God for your efforts here!
I am very glad that you are finding this to be an encouragement for you. It IS a very trying time for the spouse that doesn’t understand the illness and it takes a lot of time and patience to get through. My husband is also fairly stable now also, though there are still rough days (like today). Let me know if there are any topics in particular you would like to cover or had questions on.
Blessings,
Sara
sara@thebipolarmarriage.com
Girrrrllll…I’m going to be camping out here for awhile! Bless your heart! THere are a lot more of us out there than you might think…it’s just that folks aren’t talking about it, and many suffer in silence. Maybe our stories can change that. Thanks again for your comment.
Kimberly,
Thank you so very much for checking out my site
I was blessed beyond belief when I read your post and was so happy to see your comment here! I know there are couples out there struggling like we have and they are searching for help on the internet (or so says my web stats). WE are the hope that they need right now. Take care and keep in touch!!
Blessings,
Sara
My husband is schizophrenic and bipolar. There aren’t a lot of resources for married people dealing with this, most I’ve found is for parents, it makes me feel invalidated, as if I’ve no right to struggle because I choose to stay. Thanks for showing the other side and being a voice for us!
Thank you for leaving the feedback! I’m glad that you came across this site and that you’re finding some of the resources and support that you’re looking for. I too found very little support dedicated to couples facing Bipolar Disorder (or any other mental illness). Looking back it is a miracle that our marriage survived, and knew that if we were facing some of these issues there were many other couples out there facing the same problems. Sure, there are great marriage websites out there but those websites don’t know how to handle mental illness within the marriage. There are also some great mental health sites/blogs out there, but very few (if any) address dealing with a marriage relationship through the illness. I believe that this is mainly because very few people have found a way to make it work and those that have are not reaching out to help others. I am here helping others because I believe that we can build a community of couples fighting for their marriage through mental health. Let me know how I can best serve you!
Blessings,
Sara Anderson
sara@thebipolarmarriage.com
I’ve been following you on twitter and just found your blog. I have bipolar disorder and am in an extremely successful marriage of over 22 years. Reading your post just affirms to me how very lucky I am. 90% is a shocking statistic.
Bless you, and my husband, and all the others out there struggling to be the loving partner to someone struggling with this disease. As you know, it’s not easy on either end.
I’ve finally after many years managed to find a med cocktail that’s made me stable, and with eating to maintain blood sugar levels and plenty of exercise, have found a way to live with this disorder. But for many years that was not the case. My husband is a saint for putting up with all that happened over the years.
Anyway, thanks for writing and researching about this.
Kelly, I’m so very glad that you have found the blog/website. Doing the blog is a hobby of mine and something that I love to do – though it is a labor of love so I am thrilled when I receive feedback from those who read the articles I have posted. From my experience since rejuvenating this blog a couple of months back in April is that those struggling with a Bipolar spouse aren’t excessively loud, so there isn’t a whole lot of information, resources, or support out there. Though, as I write the more couples show up to my blog saying that this is what they have been missing. I hope that you find the same is true. Medication balance is HUGE in the success for those who are living with bipolar disorder. This has been quite the journey for my husband, and indirectly me, and so that you’ve been able to find a cocktail that keeps you stable I am very impressed!! Thank you for leaving your feedback. Let me know if there is anything I can do to serve you and your husband.
Blessings!!
Sara Anderson
sara@thebipolarmarriage.com
Thanks for this blog. I’ve been married for 9 years, and he was diagnosed with Bipolar II in 2007 after many years of misdiagnoses (depression, seasonal affective disorder, etc.), and then this summer, it’s apparent that his Bipolar has taken the next step up to Bipolar I. I’m also 7 months pregnant with our third child, and I’m at my wit’s end about how to deal with his now 3+ months of mania. He’s taking meds again (he had stopped on his own prior to this last bout of mania), which of course helps, but he doesn’t seem to understand that there’s a lot more to the treatment, like lifestyle changes (getting enough sleep, staying active but not too active, monitoring moods, etc.). He also has no interest in seeing a counselor. I see a counselor on a regular basis to be able to cope with his antics; I think it’s really important for spouses of those with bipolar to be able to vent to a counselor that can help them stay centered and give them ideas.
Hi Rita, I’m so glad that you left a comment! Your journey sounds a bit like mine in that your husband was diagnosed with bipolar after you both were married. I’m not saying it is any easier when you know ahead of time, but there is something said about knowing about the illness going into the engagement and marriage as opposed to learning about it after being married for a couple of years. This being said, either way being married to someone bipolar is quite the journey and requires a TON of patience and understanding. We also experienced the diagnosis battle, and it wasn’t until his therapist suggested that he might be bipolar that we considered getting a second opinion. I’ve blogged about that experience here. As painful as that experience was, I have heard through some of our readers that it can take much much longer to get a correct diagnosis – going through second, third, fourth, and so on opinions.
My husband is bipolar II so I don’t have the extensive experience with bipolar I specifically, though my good friend Kimberly Simpkins have experience with Bipolar I. I hope to get her to write a guest post on the blog here when she has time to breathe – she’s a very busy woman! In the meantime, you might want to check out her blog. It is not an exclusive “Bipolar” blog, though she does share some of her triumphs and setbacks with the bipolar I that her husband deals with. You can find her at http://www.mining4diamonds.blogspot.com/.
Congrats on the new addition that is on the way!! Please remember in all of the craziness that is in your life right now to take care of yourself. Not only will that help your sanity, but it will help with the stress associated with bringing another life into the world. I know it sounds cruel, but sometimes when my husband is so manic he is not making sense I don’t bother to ask him about the more trivial things in life. In my mind it is not worth getting frustrated over the answer. Though, I will say that my husband has never been “manic” for 3 months straight, so that may be a little easier said than done. I am very happy that you have found a counselor to vent your frustrations to – that is extremely healthy and one piece of advice that you’ll see me mention several times in the blog posts. I hope you’re enjoying the site. let me know if there is anything I can do to serve you and your family. Make sure to let me know when baby #3 has arrived safely!!!
Blessings!
Sara Anderson
sara@thebipolarmarriage.com
I was so excited to find your blog as well! My husband was diagnosed with Bipolar II and an adjustment disorder almost 2 months ago now, so this is all very new to me (although it was not a surprising diagnosis to me at all).
Even before he was releases from the hospital I began searching for some sort of support online, that would give hope and encouragement about being able to have a healthy and happy relationship despite the bipolar. But what limited material I did find was anything BUT encouraging… Not to mention all the scary statistics. I began to feel doomed and trapped… And I didn’t really believe that it has to be that way.
I am lucky enough to be in a church that is pretty understanding of bipolar and who also support making marriages work, and it finally dawned on me to search for “Christian bipolar spouse support” and through a maze of links I made it to your blog. I am so excited to discover it!!! It is like a breath of fresh air to read something positive and uplifting, and I wanted to say THANK YOU!!
God bless,
Virginia
Hi Virginia, I am so glad that you found the site! This site exists for you and every other couple that is having a difficult time finding the support and resources needed to help your marriage thrive during the unique challenge of mental illness. I am glad that you were able to find a church that was open and understanding to mental illness. Unfortunately, churches like that are few and far between. I’m glad that you’re enjoying the site. Let me know if there is anything specifically I can address on the site.
Blessings,
Sara Anderson
Thank you for putting your story out there and for doing something to fill the void and help couples like us. I thank my lucky stars every day that my husband is so incredibly supportive. He stood by me when I first became psychotic and then three more times, and he’s still here today and I know that if I remember to not take him for granted, we’ll be married our entire lives. I look forward to continuing to read your blog and wish you all the best in the future and in what you’re doing.
Thank you for leaving the feedback. I am convinced that when your marriage is faced with bipolar disorder working with each other as a team is essential. It is essential for the treatment of the illness and essential for the healthy spouse to have some level of understanding of what the mentally ill spouse is going through. I really believe that Jeff and I have gotten t a place where we have basic systems in place to keep our marriage in a place to continually strengthen our relationship even through the illness. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help you.
Blessings,
Sara Anderson
Thanks for sharing your story. In my case I fell under the 90%. After 6 years I called it quits…It was too much for me to handle. I will pray for your inner strength to stay strong.
Thank you for leaving the comment. Many, many couples facing bipolar disorder in their marriage do fall under the 90%. Though, hopefully my journey will be the proof to others that Bipolar does not automatically mean divorce.
Blessings,
Sara Anderson
Hi Sarah, I am so glad to have found you one Twitter. I think your blog is such a major blessing. I am 33. I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder when I was 18 years old. It was the most devastating part of my life. I agree with you though that God takes our greatest pains and turns them into divine purpose. Now I am wanting to write my story in hopes to be an encouragement or a “ray of Light” to someone else with it. I am not married. I have really questioned if I could be. It would be very hard to find someone willing to pick up that responsibility. I have a lot of people in my life that love me dearly and have worked with me through my moods and struggles, but it is not an easy life and it is even harder for those “we break ourselves against”. I would love to talk to you more. You can also find me on twitter (which you already have) at @Ldm4hk. Being open with others about having this is hard as well. It has a major stigma connected to it.
Prayers and blessings to you,
Laura ~
Hi Laura, I’m so very glad that you found me and the site! I would definitely encourage you to write your story. Even if it is never publicly published. One thing I have learned through this blog is that I have started this incredible healing process by writing. As a result, it is helping other people all around the world. I have sent you a DM back on twitter. Feel free to contact me anytime!
Many Blessings,
Sara Anderson