The Marriage and Bipolar Disorder Authority

Most of you know, if you’ve been reading this blog for longer than a paragraph, that I LOVE to write. Writing is my preferred method of communication and I do it just about any chance I get. Part of me wonders if my affinity for making lists isn’t so much the fact that I have so much to do, but the fact that if there is an idea in my head I have to get it down on paper. While this can be a blessing, it can also be a curse. I cannot usually choose when my writing creativity flows. Usually, it is when it is least convenient for me, like when I’m at work and I won’t be able to write until later that evening, or when I’m laying in bed and “know” that I should go to sleep but I can’t because there are words screaming in my head, begging to be written. Now, who sounds like she needs some psychiatric medication?  (grins) I’m having one of those moments tonight and knew that I needed to get these words on paper…err……my computer screen to share with the world. 

A sticky situation 

Our 11 year old is very is a very loyal young man. Due to his sense of extreme loyalty he typically has a small group of close friends. Over the past couple of months he has become very close with three brothers who live in our neighborhood and we have watched a cool friendship develop. There would be days where it seemed like his friends were just an extension of our family by spending lots of time at our house, eating meals together, playing from breakfast to bedtime, the whole nine yards. Now, these friends happen to be hispanic, though we never thought twice of it. Looking back I was probably too naive, but I thought teaching our kids to be respectful of everyone regardless of their background, ethnicity, social status, etc would be sufficient to avoid falling into having to be “politically correct” every moment of every day. He would come home after an afternoon of playing with his buddies and would refer to something they would do (like a special event, tradition, etc) as “Mexican”. At first my politically correct ears would perk up, and I would ask if that’s how his friends referred to it and he would say yes. So, I came to believe that his friends were ok with him using the word “Mexican”.

Yep, I’m too naive. Way too naive. 

Tonight, in front of their mom, he made a comment to them about speaking “Mexican” in front of him. Their mom took extreme defense to this, told him to leave and to not come back. He came home crying, very upset because he wasn’t sure what had happened. He didn’t understand why his friends could refer to themselves as Mexican but their mom was so upset when our 11 year old referred to them as Mexican. I tried to console him the best I could. I tried to explain some of the correct terminology and that the language they speak is Spanish, though they have Mexican heritage since their mom moved to the United States from Mexico. I tied it into our native language and how we speak an Americanized version of English – we don’t speak “American” in the same way that his friends don’t speak “Mexican”.

Stigma, Prejudice & Discrimination

This situation with our son came down to miscommunication, a language barrier, and a lack of understanding how he should address their hispanic culture. I truly believe he saw his friends as equals and that he meant no disrespect by what he said, he only made the comment after hearing them make the same kind of comments to one another. How does this tie into mental health and your relationship with your spouse? A couple of times in the past I have written posts on stigma with mental health and the prejudice and discrimination that comes along with it. It is a very tangible reality for those who live with the illness and those who are close to them. Though, I believe that those living with the mental illness (particularly schizophrenia or other similar paranoia type illness) the stigma is amplified because of the illness. Similar to minorities having a feeling that there is an inequality, those with mental illness also wish that they could live a “normal” life and not have to deal with everything that is going on in their head.

It all comes down to information and communication. Learn all you can about these socially sensitive topics and have a real and authentic conversation with them about what they are going through and how you can help. Taking the step to have this conversation can move forward your relationship to a place of greater understanding and peace. As for the situation with our son and his friends, we are going to let emotions settle down a bit and give it a couple of days. Then we plan on walking down to their house and talking to their mom and he wants to apologize.

There was a time during our journey with mental illness that I was throwing around the word “crazy” too often when talking to him or about him. My husband took me aside after he was about to reach his breaking point and told me how it made him feel. I could see the pain and hurt in his eyes. I did make an effort to watch the kinds of “stigma laced” words I would use and it helped with his acceptance of the illness. Part of advocating for your spouse is giving them some of their dignity back that they feel that they have lost through mental illness and one way I could do it is by not calling him “crazy”.

How do you handle socially sensitive topics in your home?

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If this is your first visit to our website – welcome! It is my desire that you are able to find hope and encouragement from this blog especially if your spouse suffers from mental illness. We try to take it day by day, though this journey is especially challenging. You should not have to go on this journey alone!

Please comment on this blog – we would truly appreciate your feedback! Are you finding this helpful and encouraging? Is there a particular topic you are needing resources or advice on? Let me know how I can improve the blog and make it more resourceful for you!

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I am doing my part to help end the stigma associated with mental health, in particular Bipolar Disorder, by getting information out there in order to increase awareness for those who want to learn more about mental illnesses, also to provide encouragement for those already living with the illness. This site exists to give loved ones the tools they need in order to support and love those close to them that are living with bipolar disorder or other mental illness. For more of our background story check out our story.

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